My Unscripted Life

…so it has been five semesters in my pursuit for a degree in Advertising in UiTM’s Mass Communication faculty. At around this time, two years ago, I arrived here not knowing what to expect. There has been awkward pauses and starts. One learns how to walk straight and grow a thick skin once you have stumbled and fell.

After two years, everyone in my batch can’t help but take stock of all that has happened. Friends that have been made, friends that turn out to be quite different from what you have expected. But it’s all good, as you learn from your mistakes and move on.

Upheavals happen every now and then. And there’s probably one very big one going on at the moment.

Tears shed.

Hearts broken.

Rude names called behind one’s back.

But I’ve grown a rather thick skin and have learnt to ignore them.

It’s an awkward predicament to be in. And I am guessing that things would only get harder once we venture to the “outside” world. So you learn to take it all in your stride.

…so it has been five semesters in my pursuit for a degree in Advertising in UiTM’s Mass Communication faculty. At around this time, two years ago, I arrived here not knowing what to expect. There has been awkward pauses and starts. One learns how to walk straight and grow a thick skin once you have stumbled and fell.

After two years, everyone in my batch can’t help but take stock of all that has happened. Friends that have been made, friends that turn out to be quite different from what you have expected. But it’s all good, as you learn from your mistakes and move on.

Upheavals happen every now and then. And there’s probably one very big one going on at the moment.

Tears shed.

Hearts broken.

Rude names called behind one’s back.

But I’ve grown a rather thick skin and have learnt to ignore them.

It’s an awkward predicament to be in. And I am guessing that things would only get harder once we venture to the “outside” world. So you learn to take it all in your stride.

Have you heard of that adage, “Bila Kancil Jadi Babi”? So the story goes:

A merry family goes out to do their shopping. It’s the weekend. Naturally, the parking lots are all full. But they go around looking for one anyway. Keeping their hopes alive, with thoughts of a delicious dinner and maybe a movie afterwards, they search onwards.

“Look, there’s one!” Little sister screams in delight. Father dashes across the parking lot, hoping that the empty lot stays open.

The empty lot looms into view.

Five more to go.

Four.

Three.

Two….

A Kancil shifts into view. It sits there innocently, as if it’s been there the whole time. It snickers at the trick it has played on us.

“Babi! Now we have to look for another one.”

Crestfallen, the journey continues…

And so the adage: “Bila Kancil Jadi Babi.”

Have you heard of that adage, “Bila Kancil Jadi Babi”? So the story goes:

A merry family goes out to do their shopping. It’s the weekend. Naturally, the parking lots are all full. But they go around looking for one anyway. Keeping their hopes alive, with thoughts of a delicious dinner and maybe a movie afterwards, they search onwards.

“Look, there’s one!” Little sister screams in delight. Father dashes across the parking lot, hoping that the empty lot stays open.

The empty lot looms into view.

Five more to go.

Four.

Three.

Two….

A Kancil shifts into view. It sits there innocently, as if it’s been there the whole time. It snickers at the trick it has played on us.

“Babi! Now we have to look for another one.”

Crestfallen, the journey continues…

And so the adage: “Bila Kancil Jadi Babi.”

Have you lost yourself in the moment? To be so completely involved in that single moment in time. Like a song that transports you. Or a shadow cast onto the ground in the most perfect angle. The breadth of it inspires you to dream. Every single being in your body responds to that moment.

As suddenly as it came, it goes away.

You’ve felt it before. You know what it feels like. You hold on to it for as long as you can. But as soon as you try to hang on to it, it fades away, slipping through you fingers.

During a tuition session with Tuti, we did Keats’ Ode to Melancholy. She said something really profound that stayed with me to this day. She said that we couldn’t be melancholic in the truest sense until we have experienced acute happiness. It is at that moment of happiness that we realize that, that moment will be gone. With happiness, you can’t help but feel that utter feeling of sadness. Of that feeling of happiness being short lived.

Do you feel that? I do. I am so aware of it. And it scares me sometimes.

by ~R-A-e

Have you lost yourself in the moment? To be so completely involved in that single moment in time. Like a song that transports you. Or a shadow cast onto the ground in the most perfect angle. The breadth of it inspires you to dream. Every single being in your body responds to that moment.

As suddenly as it came, it goes away.

You’ve felt it before. You know what it feels like. You hold on to it for as long as you can. But as soon as you try to hang on to it, it fades away, slipping through you fingers.

During a tuition session with Tuti, we did Keats’ Ode to Melancholy. She said something really profound that stayed with me to this day. She said that we couldn’t be melancholic in the truest sense until we have experienced acute happiness. It is at that moment of happiness that we realize that, that moment will be gone. With happiness, you can’t help but feel that utter feeling of sadness. Of that feeling of happiness being short lived.

Do you feel that? I do. I am so aware of it. And it scares me sometimes.

by ~R-A-e

the sun streams past me
leaving me behind
warming me in passing
out to find
better spaces

soft pillows
warm nights
giggles that fade
never to come back

the god-shaped-hole
fills up as the
bittersweet memories wanes
and falls

*huff* *puff*

“Ie, stupid woman. Why have to sibuk and go cut off my lunch. Now I have to find some other tree to munch on. You wait! You just wait. I’ll destroy your precious roses.”

“Eh, hey! Put me down you crazy woman!”

“Hehe, he looks like Teddy!”

“What, that crazy cat of yours? Bah, you guys are all nuts! Gardening all day! Leave me be won’t you!”

the sun streams past me
leaving me behind
warming me in passing
out to find
better spaces

soft pillows
warm nights
giggles that fade
never to come back

the god-shaped-hole
fills up as the
bittersweet memories wanes
and falls

*huff* *puff*

“Ie, stupid woman. Why have to sibuk and go cut off my lunch. Now I have to find some other tree to munch on. You wait! You just wait. I’ll destroy your precious roses.”

“Eh, hey! Put me down you crazy woman!”

“Hehe, he looks like Teddy!”

“What, that crazy cat of yours? Bah, you guys are all nuts! Gardening all day! Leave me be won’t you!”