My Unscripted Life

I’m filled with trepidation everytime I click on the “create new post” button. Very rarely do I actually write with confidence nowadays. Filled with doubt, I type these words, and wonder why do I care so much.

Hallaj said I should blog about something he could actually comment on. Huh! I am fully aware that my blog is not really the central hub for political discussions and heated debates that are thought provoking, and posts that would induce 7, 8 comments one hour after I’ve created a new post. Nor am I vastly popular, whereby a simple post saying that I am about to change jobs, or talking about my favourite colour is going to generate comments that go down the page.

All I am able to rely on are good friends, and pretty small circle of readers that pretty much have nothing better to do than to traipsise through this humble blog of mine where I rant and rave. I am FULLY aware of all this.

Don’t think for a moment I don’t wish that I could have a better following, and join the likes of Yasmin Ahmad, and TV Smith. Their blog addresses pasted on every bloghopper’s favourites. But I know my limitations and flaws. I am :

1) Not very interested in politics. Yes, I may be ignorant, but ignorance is bliss sometimes, and in a world wrought with politics, as every day goes by (as you get older, they are harder to ignore) but I have neither the patience to follow politics, nor the will to care about them.

2) aware that I am basically uneducated, and do not want to pretend that I know about things I don’t know about. (I’ve only known what the word “hiatus” means while bloghopping) And knowing that whatever I am saying is going to and can be viewed by anyone in with an internet connection, I am even more humbled. Words have consequences. Free speech? No such thing. Sorry Laj and Jahui.

3) constantly afraid of what others think, and feel. Therefore, unable to simply criticize people. Some people do have that ability. To say what’s on their mind, and tanslate feelings precisely into words. I used to be able to, but due to some unfortunate events, my ability to write that way have flown away along with the person who holds them.

It’s all pessimistic and depressing, but I believe or think that that is how I am built. Things may change. I am unsure.

I am learning something new everyday.

I’m filled with trepidation everytime I click on the “create new post” button. Very rarely do I actually write with confidence nowadays. Filled with doubt, I type these words, and wonder why do I care so much.

Hallaj said I should blog about something he could actually comment on. Huh! I am fully aware that my blog is not really the central hub for political discussions and heated debates that are thought provoking, and posts that would induce 7, 8 comments one hour after I’ve created a new post. Nor am I vastly popular, whereby a simple post saying that I am about to change jobs, or talking about my favourite colour is going to generate comments that go down the page.

All I am able to rely on are good friends, and pretty small circle of readers that pretty much have nothing better to do than to traipsise through this humble blog of mine where I rant and rave. I am FULLY aware of all this.

Don’t think for a moment I don’t wish that I could have a better following, and join the likes of Yasmin Ahmad, and TV Smith. Their blog addresses pasted on every bloghopper’s favourites. But I know my limitations and flaws. I am :

1) Not very interested in politics. Yes, I may be ignorant, but ignorance is bliss sometimes, and in a world wrought with politics, as every day goes by (as you get older, they are harder to ignore) but I have neither the patience to follow politics, nor the will to care about them.

2) aware that I am basically uneducated, and do not want to pretend that I know about things I don’t know about. (I’ve only known what the word “hiatus” means while bloghopping) And knowing that whatever I am saying is going to and can be viewed by anyone in with an internet connection, I am even more humbled. Words have consequences. Free speech? No such thing. Sorry Laj and Jahui.

3) constantly afraid of what others think, and feel. Therefore, unable to simply criticize people. Some people do have that ability. To say what’s on their mind, and tanslate feelings precisely into words. I used to be able to, but due to some unfortunate events, my ability to write that way have flown away along with the person who holds them.

It’s all pessimistic and depressing, but I believe or think that that is how I am built. Things may change. I am unsure.

I am learning something new everyday.

I have an Economics exam the day after tomorrow. What am I doing here again?

The room was sweltering hot all of last night, and this morning. So I decided to hike up to the faculty, and enjoy the comforts of the air conditioned classroom, and 100.0 mps internet. Yes, I’d have to forgo wearing shorts and lacy tops and lying on my bed, but the thought of the air conditioner was enough to motivate me.

December came up with a new template for his blog a few weeks ago, and Laj said he did the coding. Well…that’s what he said. After voicing my own hopes and dreams, he said he can do it for me. So yay! Working on something ever since. Not sure what to do though. Some people are so sure of themselves, and they know what they want for their blogs. Cause essentially, you blog is you. In a way, it’s saying what kind of person you are. But some don’t really get the concept, and come off being a wannabe.

So, in a dilemma now.

Going to reformat my Compaq soon. A little bit nervous. Kind of like anticipating a new baby :p

In other events, we wrapped up all of our classes. Handed in last minute assignments. Said goodbye to lecturers. Our last creative writing class was potluck! Afa brought nasi lemak! I brought my last stash of cadbury chocolates, and Dudi and Shy brought junk food. Oh, there was cake too! Very few came though. Only half a dozen of us. Pn. Anita guaranteed As

Afa our saviour! Nasi lemak all around!

Our very last attendance signature for Creative Writing class. If you see in the background, that’s our journals.

Ikhlas (yeah, that’s her real name!) looked too cute, protecting her favourite junk food. Pringles! And that’s Pn. Anita in the background smirking by the way.

Afa’s mom’s Nasi Lemak Models! *wonder what Shy is looking at*

HPD 127 (December 2005-Mei 2006)

I have an Economics exam the day after tomorrow. What am I doing here again?

The room was sweltering hot all of last night, and this morning. So I decided to hike up to the faculty, and enjoy the comforts of the air conditioned classroom, and 100.0 mps internet. Yes, I’d have to forgo wearing shorts and lacy tops and lying on my bed, but the thought of the air conditioner was enough to motivate me.

December came up with a new template for his blog a few weeks ago, and Laj said he did the coding. Well…that’s what he said. After voicing my own hopes and dreams, he said he can do it for me. So yay! Working on something ever since. Not sure what to do though. Some people are so sure of themselves, and they know what they want for their blogs. Cause essentially, you blog is you. In a way, it’s saying what kind of person you are. But some don’t really get the concept, and come off being a wannabe.

So, in a dilemma now.

Going to reformat my Compaq soon. A little bit nervous. Kind of like anticipating a new baby :p

In other events, we wrapped up all of our classes. Handed in last minute assignments. Said goodbye to lecturers. Our last creative writing class was potluck! Afa brought nasi lemak! I brought my last stash of cadbury chocolates, and Dudi and Shy brought junk food. Oh, there was cake too! Very few came though. Only half a dozen of us. Pn. Anita guaranteed As

Afa our saviour! Nasi lemak all around!

Our very last attendance signature for Creative Writing class. If you see in the background, that’s our journals.

Ikhlas (yeah, that’s her real name!) looked too cute, protecting her favourite junk food. Pringles! And that’s Pn. Anita in the background smirking by the way.

Afa’s mom’s Nasi Lemak Models! *wonder what Shy is looking at*

HPD 127 (December 2005-Mei 2006)

This is probably the fifth time this entire semester that I am able to connect to the college wifi in my room. Usually only B’s room has a good reception. Pretty amazing…internet in the comforts of my own room for once. No hard floors here.

Anyway, Finals upon me now. Should’nt even have the laptop open, but boredom from overdose of textbooks was too much.

Something happened yesterday evening that is pretty blog worthy. Exam pressure pressing down on us, Nadia, B and myself took a trip to Mawar Koop to purchase some much needed chocolates. I bought myself my favourite Mars Bars and Cadbury’s Mochachino which cost RM4.20. Having only RM5 in my wallet, I produced this bit of note to her, and as is almost customary anywhere in Malaysia, she asks “20sen ada dik?”

Nope, sorry Kak, that’s all I have. She then grabs one of the choki-choki (for novices, choki-choki is basically liquid chocolate in a plastic tube. A fav among kids and chocoholics) and puts it in front of me. “Ambik satu ya dik?” and then she short changes me and gives me only 60cents. Er, excuse me? You owe me *80cents*. Do your math!

“Ala dik, syiling nanti tak cukup.” I peek into the cash register, and there were TONS of syilings there all shining and looking like its brand new. What the hell kak, you have plenty there. Why are *you* forcing me to buy something I don’t want, and giving me less? I WANT MY 80 CENTS! Yes, i appreciate the choki-choki, but really, I owe Nadia here 80cents, and I want my money, so that I can pay her. This is an outrage!

The kakak now, quite taken aback for having someone *finally* speaking out for this obvious injustice, tries to reason with me. “Dik, ini untuk koperasi Mawar, kita bagi harga murah, ini nak jimat syiling”

Bullshit! The prices here are so much higher if not the same price as any grocery shop outside the campus! “Ok, ok dik.” She relunctantly gives my 80cents, and gives me a killer glare. The line, pretty long now from the scene I just created. I storm out of the shop, and relate my story to B who was waiting outside.

B pretty much said I did the right thing. Baby said the same thing too when I related the story to him today. So I’m pretty proud of myself, for standing up for my consumer rights. *Big Toothy Smile*

This is probably the fifth time this entire semester that I am able to connect to the college wifi in my room. Usually only B’s room has a good reception. Pretty amazing…internet in the comforts of my own room for once. No hard floors here.

Anyway, Finals upon me now. Should’nt even have the laptop open, but boredom from overdose of textbooks was too much.

Something happened yesterday evening that is pretty blog worthy. Exam pressure pressing down on us, Nadia, B and myself took a trip to Mawar Koop to purchase some much needed chocolates. I bought myself my favourite Mars Bars and Cadbury’s Mochachino which cost RM4.20. Having only RM5 in my wallet, I produced this bit of note to her, and as is almost customary anywhere in Malaysia, she asks “20sen ada dik?”

Nope, sorry Kak, that’s all I have. She then grabs one of the choki-choki (for novices, choki-choki is basically liquid chocolate in a plastic tube. A fav among kids and chocoholics) and puts it in front of me. “Ambik satu ya dik?” and then she short changes me and gives me only 60cents. Er, excuse me? You owe me *80cents*. Do your math!

“Ala dik, syiling nanti tak cukup.” I peek into the cash register, and there were TONS of syilings there all shining and looking like its brand new. What the hell kak, you have plenty there. Why are *you* forcing me to buy something I don’t want, and giving me less? I WANT MY 80 CENTS! Yes, i appreciate the choki-choki, but really, I owe Nadia here 80cents, and I want my money, so that I can pay her. This is an outrage!

The kakak now, quite taken aback for having someone *finally* speaking out for this obvious injustice, tries to reason with me. “Dik, ini untuk koperasi Mawar, kita bagi harga murah, ini nak jimat syiling”

Bullshit! The prices here are so much higher if not the same price as any grocery shop outside the campus! “Ok, ok dik.” She relunctantly gives my 80cents, and gives me a killer glare. The line, pretty long now from the scene I just created. I storm out of the shop, and relate my story to B who was waiting outside.

B pretty much said I did the right thing. Baby said the same thing too when I related the story to him today. So I’m pretty proud of myself, for standing up for my consumer rights. *Big Toothy Smile*

It all started with Kemberly gushing about the sale she went to at a Networth chocolate factory, and bought a HUGE packet of chocolate krispies for only rm7. And then she goes, “There’s going to be another sale next week, at the Cadbury factory!”

Me and B look at each other, big chocolate discs in our eye, and salivating at the thought of buying lots and lots of chocolates at less than half the price! So there we were, with Eddy queing up in front of the Cadbury factory at 1.30 in the afternoon, with chocolate dreams.

The queue was pretty long, but thoughts of cheap chocolate sustained us.

Things started out pretty peachy. Everyone was high on chocolate adrenaline, and things were pretty cheerful.

And then it got real dull. 30 minutes into queing up in the hot sun, and we start hallucinating. Dehydrated. Haven’t drank much water in the last 3 hours due to the fact that the filtering water machine in college is *kaput*.

More than an hour of waiting, funny things happen to you. Eddy the camera slut no longer wants to take pictures. Which by itself, is pretty weird already. B is getting really delirious by this time. Lack of water shows on her face. And yet, thoughts of chocolate still sustain us.

I’m really dehydrated at this point, and pretty pissed since some people cut the queue. But since my superego was being pretty strong that day, I resisted doing the same. By now, 2 hours in the line already. And here’s the pretty interesting part, but I don’t have the pictures with me. We are right in front of the door, waiting our turn to go in, when this obnoxious malay dude, (with a diamond studded belt) let’s his friend in, who was right at the back of the line. Everyone was shouting at him to get out, and he said “kejap, kejap!” but totally ignored us, and cut the line without conscience! His girlfriend has a Guess handbag, and it was all we could do to not pull her long earrings right off. We finally get inside, and it’s a mob! But get this, Cadbury’s Picnic Bar = RM1, chocettes=RM1, chocolate drink=RM7, melting moments= RM5 (or was it 7?), hazelnut cookies=RM2.

I got quite a lot for only RM20.

Our LOOT!! We paid less than RM100 for all of this.

B and Eddy grabbed everything they could set their hands on. I was more concerned about the money flowing out of my pocket, so I was a little thrifty. Although I’ll have to say, it was a very good bargain.

Yups, that’s our loot. And it you notice on the right, there’s actually another bag! It was well worth the wait, and in some twisted way, we kind of owe it to Kemberly. Thanks Kim! Although I was pretty tired by the time I was supposed to get ready for Advertising Night. So-so food, and lousy organization. But enough about that. It’s another story for another day.

It all started with Kemberly gushing about the sale she went to at a Networth chocolate factory, and bought a HUGE packet of chocolate krispies for only rm7. And then she goes, “There’s going to be another sale next week, at the Cadbury factory!”

Me and B look at each other, big chocolate discs in our eye, and salivating at the thought of buying lots and lots of chocolates at less than half the price! So there we were, with Eddy queing up in front of the Cadbury factory at 1.30 in the afternoon, with chocolate dreams.

The queue was pretty long, but thoughts of cheap chocolate sustained us.

Things started out pretty peachy. Everyone was high on chocolate adrenaline, and things were pretty cheerful.

And then it got real dull. 30 minutes into queing up in the hot sun, and we start hallucinating. Dehydrated. Haven’t drank much water in the last 3 hours due to the fact that the filtering water machine in college is *kaput*.

More than an hour of waiting, funny things happen to you. Eddy the camera slut no longer wants to take pictures. Which by itself, is pretty weird already. B is getting really delirious by this time. Lack of water shows on her face. And yet, thoughts of chocolate still sustain us.

I’m really dehydrated at this point, and pretty pissed since some people cut the queue. But since my superego was being pretty strong that day, I resisted doing the same. By now, 2 hours in the line already. And here’s the pretty interesting part, but I don’t have the pictures with me. We are right in front of the door, waiting our turn to go in, when this obnoxious malay dude, (with a diamond studded belt) let’s his friend in, who was right at the back of the line. Everyone was shouting at him to get out, and he said “kejap, kejap!” but totally ignored us, and cut the line without conscience! His girlfriend has a Guess handbag, and it was all we could do to not pull her long earrings right off. We finally get inside, and it’s a mob! But get this, Cadbury’s Picnic Bar = RM1, chocettes=RM1, chocolate drink=RM7, melting moments= RM5 (or was it 7?), hazelnut cookies=RM2.

I got quite a lot for only RM20.

Our LOOT!! We paid less than RM100 for all of this.

B and Eddy grabbed everything they could set their hands on. I was more concerned about the money flowing out of my pocket, so I was a little thrifty. Although I’ll have to say, it was a very good bargain.

Yups, that’s our loot. And it you notice on the right, there’s actually another bag! It was well worth the wait, and in some twisted way, we kind of owe it to Kemberly. Thanks Kim! Although I was pretty tired by the time I was supposed to get ready for Advertising Night. So-so food, and lousy organization. But enough about that. It’s another story for another day.

Malaysian work ethics. I can never understand them. Or maybe it’s an isolated incident. I don’t know, you tell me.

I came to the faculty this morning, starving. Lack of proper meals this entire week, coupled with not enough sleep. (I blame it on last minute work) So, I hurried to the cafeteria, looking forward to my favourite Neslo ais, and sandwhich. With apparent enthusiasm, I started with “Bang! Neslo Ais satu!”

“Sori kak (I’m a kak now, feels so funny compared to the ‘dik’ I’m more used to) Nesloa takde”

“Ok la, bagi milo ais satu” (now quite flustered)

“Sori, milo habis, tu sebab takde Neslo!” (grinning like a sadist)

“Ai…bagi teh o ais limau je lah”

“er…limau takde kak, teh o je boleh?”

This was on a good day mind you. Last week, they didn’t have ice!!

Sigh…I still want my neslo ais.

My presentation just now. Mixed up the slides. Silly me!

Malaysian work ethics. I can never understand them. Or maybe it’s an isolated incident. I don’t know, you tell me.

I came to the faculty this morning, starving. Lack of proper meals this entire week, coupled with not enough sleep. (I blame it on last minute work) So, I hurried to the cafeteria, looking forward to my favourite Neslo ais, and sandwhich. With apparent enthusiasm, I started with “Bang! Neslo Ais satu!”

“Sori kak (I’m a kak now, feels so funny compared to the ‘dik’ I’m more used to) Nesloa takde”

“Ok la, bagi milo ais satu” (now quite flustered)

“Sori, milo habis, tu sebab takde Neslo!” (grinning like a sadist)

“Ai…bagi teh o ais limau je lah”

“er…limau takde kak, teh o je boleh?”

This was on a good day mind you. Last week, they didn’t have ice!!

Sigh…I still want my neslo ais.

My presentation just now. Mixed up the slides. Silly me!